Prayer At Radha Kunda

November 2, 2007 - Sri Vrindavana

It was Sri Radha-kunda's auspicious appearance day. Since a year back I had been cherishing a desire to recite a very special prayer to Srimati Radharani on the banks of Her sacred lake. This prayer, called Sri Radha-kripa-kataksha-stotra ("A prayer for begging Shri Radha's merciful glance"), was originally spoken by Lord Shiva. It is said,

"By chanting this prayer at Radha-kunda one immediately pleases Shri Radha. She then awards the most cherished benediction to such a devotee. Being pleased with him the son of the King of Vraja awards him the qualification to enter into the eternal pastimes of the Lord. There is no superior achievement for a vaishnava than this."

I arrived at Radha-kunda around 3 p.m. and proceeded to recite this special prayer one hundred times while standing in the waters of the sacred kunda. It took about seven hours and was the most difficult undertaking I've ever performed, both physically, psychologically, and spiritually.

The first two hours were rather delightful and charming. There I was, a simple devotee reciting this beautiful prayer to Sri Radha, in the most sacred place in the entire existence, during the most sacred month of Kartika.

Then my back started to hurt. By 7 p.m. the sun had already set and it started to get cold. Then something that had never happened to me before occurred. I started to feel afraid. Not because I was worried about getting sick or anything. No, this fear went deeper. I felt so out of place. It felt like I was loosing myself. Later, I asked Gurudeva about it, whether he had experienced anything like that during his own spiritual practice. He responded by saying, "That happens sometimes when you're trying to surrender. But it's just stupid."

Just stupid? Somehow his short answer felt so right, so complete. That's what it was, plain stupid, the ego flipping out due to the prospect of loosing control. Otherwise what could be so bad and frightening about pure love and an eternal life of uncompromising bliss in the delightful company of the most charming personalities in the entire existence?

So I put up with the fear and carried on. But by 9 p.m. I hit my peak of exhaustion and discomfort. I had by then already used up whatever sheer will-power I had in stock. I felt I couldn't go on. I began to desperately pray to Krishna to give me the ability to complete my prayer, and by His grace I managed to complete the recitation sometime after 10 p.m., well before the pandemonium at midnight, where thousands of pilgrims poured in to take their sacred bath in the lake. Jai Sri Radhe!!