Guardian Angels

When it comes to people who have made a significant, positive difference in my life I think of two very special souls, my brother-in-law, Djahangir, and my high school principal, Kurt Westlund.

I remember how my brother-in-law one day took me out for a walk. He spoke to me as an equal, "Tell me, what do you think about this issue?" With a care and sincerity to allow me space, and patient attention to listen. He was the first adult in my life to treat me that way. I felt empowered. He communicated that I wasn't there to accommodate myself to him. I was free to speak my mind. I was treated with respect. For someone to care enough to take time to help a young man to come out of his shell. How invaluable it can be. What a remarkable investment!

During senior high school I served as the chairman of the students’ council. In the course of those years I had the privilege to work closely with our headmaster, Kurt Westlund. He took me under his wing and mentored me. The first encounter that comes to my mind was when I had saved money to buy a rather expensive book on the topic of education and pedagogics. I had just bought the book when I arrived at a scheduled conference. During the break Kurt saw the book and asked if he could have a look at it.

"You bought this?! How did you afford it?"

I told him I had saved money from my own weekly allowance.

"Come with me," he told me. We went over to the reception where he told his secretary to cover the expenses for the book. I was taken aback. He had seen my interest and commitment and made the choice to support and encourage it.

There were many other such acts of courtesy, care and encouragement through the years. But the last one stays with me. I had gone over to the principal's office to notify Kurt that I wouldn't make for the graduation as I was heading for Philadelphia a week earlier. "We can't leave it at that, can we?" he said and invited me out for dinner, just the two of us. And so we went together to a nice restaurant where we dined and spoke. A delightful afternoon. When we came back he presented me with a certificate. I was amazed by what I read. He had seen something in me that I then couldn't see in myself.

My deepest thanks goes to these two remarkable human beings, two guardian angels the Beloved put on my path to inspire and empower me. They affirmed and mirrored me during those stormy years of adolescence so I could begin to believe in myself. For that I'm profoundly indebted to both of them.

The Gift Of Music

Music is the heartbeat of the soul. So magnificent. So beautiful. It's a reminder of what we love the most. A gift to remind us of our soul. Music sets us free. It opens hearts and enables us to appreciate life. Music is the tender stream of divine reminiscence. A soul movement, a nectar flow that nurtures the heart. Music and rhythm find their way into the secret chambers of the soul. They reflect the deepest mysteries of the heart. Music is what feelings sound like. It is the divine way to tell beautiful, poetic things to the heart. Music is intimacy. One soul communicating, one soul receiving, with the least possibility for misunderstanding. It is immediate communion. Love, joy, the inexplicable - all can be transmitted by the wonder of music. Music speaks what cannot be expressed. It heals the heart and makes it whole. It is verily the refreshment of the soul.

Solace & Renewal

Along side life's multitude of challenges there is much sweetness and beauty to offer us solace and renewal. I think of a flower's perfect elegance. The sun's life-giving warmth and brilliance. The charming song of birds. The stillness of the morning. An affectionate smile. A loving gaze. Children's laughter. An ecstatic dance. A wondrous melody. The moon's magical being. It all tells of a heart so beautiful and tender that has brought forth a reality full of captivating wonders. Overflowing with endless abundance, this divine boy is the cause of you and me, each a unique, masterful miracle. As we approach this timeless cowherd boy who by dint of his limitless joy is always engaged in ever new pastimes of love, our true passion for life breaks forth and shows itself in all its wondrous beauty.

Five Short Chapters

I: I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk; I fall in. I am lost... I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out.

II: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in the same place, but it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

III: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in... it's a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

IV: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

V: I walk down another street.

by Portia Nelson

Unexpected Kindness

I remember taking a walk during a lovely spring afternoon, somewhat gripping with my mind, not feeling completely grounded. As I was walking I approached a courtyard where children were playing, the parents sitting nearby on a bench. As I passed one of the small boys he just turned around and gave me a hug, and then went back to playing again. I wasn't expecting that! My heart was so touched by the simplicity of that child's tender heart. He opened my heart. I felt centered again, all mental reservations and doubts having melted away. 

Titanic Struggle

Once very long ago, the story goes, a hermit had a vision in his desert monastery. He saw a vast ocean. On one of its shores a monk was standing. The monk leaped high into the air, and with bright wings soared effortlessly across the great body of water to a heavenly land on the other side.

As the hermit wondered over this strange revelation, he saw a second monk approach the shore. This monk spread his wings. But his flight did not go so smoothly. Though the monk finally arrived at the other shore, he had all he could do to keep from falling into the lashing waves. 

Finally, a third monk appeared. This smallest and frailest of the three monks, he soared into the air like the others, but his wings were weak, and he fell into the roaring waters over and over, practically drowning each time. Only with the most heroic efforts and titanic struggles did he eventually arrive, half dead and thoroughly drenched, on the other shore. 

After much pondering the hermit went to his spiritual guide and asked the meaning of this vision.

His guide interpreted it in this way: "The first monk you saw was the believer who aspires to fly to heaven in our own time - now, when religion and good people are everywhere, and when reaching heaven is a simple matter.

"The next monk stands for those who wish to reach heaven in the years to come. Their journey will be far more difficult.

"Finally, the third monk is the believer who makes spiritual efforts in the very distant future, when religion and righteousness have almost vanished from the earth. During this dark time it will be difficult beyond imagination to find one's way to the other shore.

"So rejoice that you live in our blessed time," the spiritual director concluded. "But remember this - remember this above all: the third monk's efforts are worth far, far more than those of all the rest."

Prabhupada Dreams

During my years of devotional cultivation I've had a number of encounters with Srila Prabhupada during dreams where I have received some key instructions. Amongs these three are especially dear and important to me.

In my first encounter I found myself in a large auditorium amongst others anticipating Srila Prabhupada’s arrival. Prabhupada was supposed to lecture that evening. The vyasasana had been prepared and many chairs set out. Finally Srila Prabhupada arrived. He walked in accompanied by a number of disciples, but before going to the vyasasana he came up to me and handed me a copy of the Bhagavad-gita.

“Study this!” he instructed me.

He then walked up to his seat, sat down, took up his karatalas and started chanting Jaya Radha Madhava. That’s where my dream broke.

My second encounter was so vivid that while dreaming I actually thought it was real. I remember thinking,

“I've got to go grab my dictaphone so I can record Srila Prabhupada!“

The place was the hallway of the second floor of the yellow office building at our temple in Korsnäs Gård, where I was living at the time. I was coming up the stairs and that's when I noticed Srila Prabhupada was chanting in the corridor. I was so pleased to see him! I thought to myself,

“Srila Prabhupada is alive! How wonderful! We only thought he died 1977.”

I felt like a child, happy, excited and secure in the presence of his grand-father. But even though I was thrilled to see Prabhupada, my heart was somewhat heavy with the state of affairs in our movement. 

I respectfully approached Srila Prabhupada and payed my obeisance. I started walking by his side telling him about the problems I was seeing in our society and how sorry I felt. Prabhupada suddenly stopped and turned around to me. In a serious and concerned tone he said,

“Work on yourself!”

As he said 'yourself' he pointed to me with his forefinger sticking out of his beadbag.

No more questions.

I proceeded to make arrangements for Prabhupada’s meal, and that’s when the dream came to an end.

I had another encounter with Srila Prabhupada during a time I was preoccupied preparing a comprehensive introductory presentation on the Enneagram. I found myself in the presence of Srila Prabhupada while he was deeply immersed in chanting japa. The depth of his ecstatic absorption in the Holy Name impressed and strongly impacted upon me. I thought,

"Wow, so that's how japa can be."

Srila Prabhupada then stopped chanting and began reciting a verse from the Bhagavad-gita to me,

"Always chanting My glories, endeavoring with great determination, bowing down before Me, these great souls perpetually worship Me with devotion." (9.14)

I walk a fine line as I in some measure apply myself to understand and fascilitate the art of psychological healing and social integration in the service of spiritual development and cooperation in the mission of Srila Prabhupada. Though crucial this line of effort should not overshadow the service of the Holy Name and the Bhagavata. I felt Srila Prabhupada was impressing this point upon me.

I find the continued care and loving guidance of Srila Prabhupada as an invaluable source of confidence, integrity and joyful gratitude in my life. All glories to His Divine Grace. May his merciful glance be always upon us.

Entering Varsana

Few places have given me this overwhelming sense of coming home. Varsana is one of them. I was filled with so much joy and delight that day. We payed our respects in the sacred dust. Our group consisted of my mom, my little sister, an old friend of ours, our guide and myself.

As we where making our way toward Sankari Kor savoring every step in that auspicious land, suddenly a noble vraja-basi coming the other way greeted us with a joyful reception.

"Jai Radhe! Welcome!"

He expressed such warm greeting of pleasure and goodwill. I had never met him before but he was treating me with so much kindness and joy.

"Please take prasadam!"

He was carrying two containers. He proceeded to open one which contained sweetrice and then the other with fresh puris. Mom tried to offer him some money in return, but he just smiled and chuckled as he handed me a hot puri with delicious sweetrice. As I was sharing the nectar with the others that mysterious man bid us farewell and soon was gone as sudden as he had appeared.

I may never know the truth of who he was. It may very well have been the spontaneous affection of a kindhearted vraja-basi. But somehow, in the core of my heart, I knew that he was sent by Sri Radha to welcome us home.

Circle of Love

One early morning I was out on a pleasant walk chanting japa. At one point something opened up in me and I had a rare, incomparable experience. I perceived that everything around me was connected in a harmonious, tender unity. My body relaxed and I felt fully present in the moment without any fear or tension. Everything around me was pulsating a radiant love. A glimpse into the soul of reality. There was no fragmentation or estrangement anywhere. I could look around without fear of mistrust or resistance. In the presence of that love I felt supported and secure. That freedom opened up my being, as a closed bud blossoming out in abundance and beauty. I received love and I returned love, a constant flow, a circle of love. There was so much beauty and brilliance in all these. In that loving presence my consciousness was set free to simply be there and appreciate reality in all its wonder around me.

Saintly Favor

On the last days of my stay in New York at the Bhakti Center last October I had a very touching exchange with His Holiness Radhanatha Maharaja. He has been a constant source of inspiration and guidance for me. I felt indebted, and eager for his kind wishes.

Ten years earlier I had the fortune to meet Srila Bhakti Tirtha Swami but sadly it wasn't until he left this world that I realized how closely his understaning and preaching focus resonated with my own. I never got to approach him personally to request his blessings and that is a loss I have to live with. That is why I felt concerned to approach Radhanatha Swami before fickle time would separate us.

I decided the best way for me to convey my heart to him was by putting it in writing and personally handing him the letter. I wrote about the order I had received from my spiritual master and the vision I cherished in my heart,

"I've learnt that people primarily long for personal growth and well-being, rich relationships, vocational alignment, and genuine spiritual experience in life, and these are what they look for when they meet us, whether we are more mature, balanced and fulfilled individually than they are, whether we have a stronger unity, warmth and fellowship amongst each other than they have, whether we are able to express and live our unique calling in life, and whether the spiritual presence amongst us is more tangible and real than what they have felt in other places. These are the kinds of experiences I want to make possible in our community and preaching in Sweden. I want to unleash the unique depth, beauty and potency of Gaudiya spirituality, for it to have a dynamic presence in the mainstream society, making a vast and lasting impact."

I signed the letter and placed it in an envelope. I went to the 6th floor and as Maharaja was coming to his room from the bathroom, I approached him.

"Radhanatha Maharaja."

"Yes", he said, as he turned toward me.

"This is for you."

He graciously accepted the envelope and thanked me.

Happy at heart I offered my obeisance and proceeded to the temple room on the 2nd floor to chant japa. As I entered I found the room empty, so I sat in the back by the entrance and began chanting while savoring the shimmering view of Radha Murlidhara.

It couldn't have passed more than ten minutes when suddenly the temple door opened and Radhanatha Maharaja stepped in. Before I could collect myself, he came toward me.

"Thank you for your beautiful letter," he said.

"Oh, you've already read it. That was fast..."

He took me into his embrace.

"You have an empowered vision. I will pray for you, " he told me.

I was so moved and profoundly grateful. I knew this was one of those sacred moments in my life where something very important was taking place. The good wishes of such an exalted vaisnava could enable even a poor, incapable soul like me to dedicate myself to the mission of Srila Prabhupada.

The very next day I had packed everything and was ready to head for Newark Airport. I went over to the temple room to have one last darsana of Their Lordships. As I stepped out of the room I saw Radhanatha Maharaja coming up the stairs. I approached him to offer my respects and take his leave.

"Oh, you're leaving so soon?"

I payed my obeisance. As I stood up he embraced me again. Not wanting to overstep the bounds of propriety I was about to let go, but he kept me in his loving fold. As he gently rubbed my head he said, "May Srila Prabhupada's and Sriman Mahaprabhu's mercy be upon you."

I felt lost in gratitude, so sanctified and at peace in his embrace. A soul connection. With all my heart I thanked him and took my leave.

"My path is very difficult. I am blind, and my feet are slipping again and again. Therefore, may the saints help me by granting me the stick of their mercy as my support." (Srila Krishnadasa Kaviraja)

At the Follicles

I remember the day I went to get a haircut at the Follicles in Chestnut Hill, Philadelphia, a hairsalon relatively close to our temple. My hairdresser, Jennifer, struck up a conversation and for the next half hour we had an engaging, sincere, heart-to-heart talk about the turns and trials of our destinies, and the experiences of redemption and triumph. I was touched, she was touched. For that brief time we experienced a connection, personal and endearing. We had revealed our hearts and found hope, encouragement and strength to go on with our journeys in life. And so I left the salon not only with a fresh haircut but with something precious in my heart. I had experienced a connection, with the joy and support that is inherent in such mutual bonding. I have the feeling that every person needs at least one occurrence of connection every day, one genuine, heartfelt encounter, to feel alive, content and inspired.

Soul Connection

It was the final day of the Enneagram Growth Experience, the second part of the Enneagram Training Program at the Barn at Stone Ridge, New York. We had a lovely graduation ceremony. At the end everyone had a chance to share a few words of reflection and gratitude with the group and the teachers. When everyone had spoken, Don Riso stood up. What I then experienced was one of the most precious moments of my life.

Don is one of the foremost teachers and developers of the Enneagram in the world today, the most published and best-selling author in the field, and the co-Founder of The Enneagram Institute. Simply a remarkable, gentle soul. He began quietly and softly beholding each member around the circle, more than 50 participants from all around the globe. Time came to a standstill. I felt so moved and began crying. I wasn't alone. Such innocence, love and presence Don manifested. I felt like someone had really seen us for the first time. I mean the depth and true being you are. And equally significant, shared himself with such openness and availability. An unforgettable experience. Hard to convey. After Don had lovingly beheld everyone, he himself was moved to tears as he sweetly said "Hello". A meeting of souls in breathtaking simplicity. The greatest gift of all.

Few things in life are more extraordinary than a living moment in which we are face-to-face with another person. To be truly open and present to another human being is awesome and sometimes overwhelming. Being authentically with another person helps to remind us that we are always in the presence of the Divine. (Don Richard Riso)

Beautiful Sunset

April 4, 2009 - Malmö, Sweden

I had the joy of witnessing a lovely sunset by the beach today, for the first time in my life! The sky was perfectly blue, the waters shimmering and calm, a pleasant climate and a beautiful piece of music by Yanni in the headphones. Time came to a standstill and I was overcome with admiration and delight. How amazing was the Beloved's creation. A profound thought struck me: I'm in no way different from the perfection and beauty of this wondrous sunset. The Beloved has created masterpieces in every detail of His creation, so why should I believe He made a mistake when he made me? Of course he didn't. Happiness is about seeing beyond the imperfections: I am a spiritual being, many many times more illuminating and dazzling than the sun. The perfect me isn't something I need to create, because the Beloved has already created it.

Magical Creativity

Nothing can ever compare in refinement and completeness to the moment when the Divine Fluteplayer blows life into us. In that moment we become as much the instruments of the divine melody as the ones rapt in cherishing that wonder being manifest through us. The magic is here, always here. When we are aligned, it permeates our consciousness. The potential of our being is to always live in that wondrous reality, our spirits crowned with rainbows of abundance. How marvelous is our prospect! Each soul is in essential identity a conduit of the magical creativity of the Divine Artist.

The Rose

It is only a tiny rosebud,
A flower of God's design;
But I cannot unfold the petals
With these clumsy hands of mine.

The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I.
God opens this flower so sweetly,
When in my hands they die.

If I cannot unfold a rosebud,
This flower of God's design,
Then how can I have the wisdom
To unfold this life of mine?

So I'll trust in Him for leading
Each moment of my day.
I will look to him for His guidance
Each step of the pilgrim way.

The pathway that lies before me,
Only my Heavenly Father knows.
I'll trust Him to unfold the moments,
Just as He unfolds the rose.

Author Unknown

Beauty of Nature

Whenever I become truly present amidst the timeless beauty of nature I get a glimpse of eternity. My expectations and frustrations, ambitions and struggles so often distract me from the experience of simplicity and presence in life. But soothing nature always brings me closer to my original element, my own divinity.

True Friendship

"The greatest treasures are not gold, nor jewels, nor works of art. They cannot be held in your hands, they're held within your heart. For worldly things will fade away as seasons come and go. But the treasure of true friendship will never lose its glow!"

From the movie Tinker Bell and the Lost Treasure

Our Humanity

"There are people who go after your humanity, that tell you that the light in your heart is a weakness. Don't believe it. It's an old tactic of cruel people to kill kindness in the name of virtue. There's nothing wrong with love."

From the movie Doubt

Ah, this movie is a masterpiece in the study of human nature, the intricacies of faith and doubt. A gripping drama flawlessly acted.

Daybreak

When the morning's sun passes quietly 

through the window-pane,
happy and cautious,
like a child who wants to surprise
early, early on a festive day -
then I stretch full of growing delight
my open arms to the coming day -
for the day is You,
and the light is You,
the sun is You,
and the spring is You,
and all the beautiful, beautiful
life that awaits is You!

Karin Boye

A Lovely Grove

November 11, 2007 - Sri Vrindavana

Feeling an inward focus and weary of all disturbing noises and crowds of pilgrims I decided to search out a quite place. I began walking down the main road leading out of Vrindavana town. After half an hour I felt inspired to make a left turn into the fields. Walking further I came across a wired fence. I went under it and to my delight I soon found myself in a lovely grove. 

What a relief! No cars, buildings or waste anywhere in sight. Only fruit bearing trees, creepers and green grass. For the first time I really felt I was in Vrindavana. I saw a peacock and found a small opening by a tree amongst the shrubs. I sat and started chanting. Everything was just perfect.

As it turned out one young wolf later came by, but he actually became more alarmed than me and ran away without incident. Later on one mighty eagle landed for a moment on a nearby tree before he flew away again. Other than that it was only me, Sri Vrindavana and "Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare..." 

I stayed there from early morning until sunset. It felt like stepping out of time. As I was chanting I could appreciate how favorable this holy land was for spiritual contemplation. The whole atmosphere is surcharged with a tangible piety. Even more astonishing, Vrindavana is the spiritual world. Krishna and all His associates are right there. It's only a matter of sincerity and grace before we meet.

Love Will Prevail

When I was younger I used to think cold, suspicious, and unfavorably disposed people were that way because there was something wrong with me. Today I understand that the self is by nature abundant with love, joy and kindness. Therefore, spiteful, distant, contemptuous and condescending dispositions simply communicate that there is a scared and hurting "child" locked within the person. What we meet is the thick walls of defense such adults have built around their hearts to fence against hurt and pain. But there is hope, because "of the nonexistent there is no endurance and of the eternal [the soul] there is no change." Love will prevail!

Endless Love

 

The minute I heard my first love story
I started searching for you, not knowing
How blind I was.

Lovers don't finally meet somewhere
They're in each other all along.

Rumi

(Translated By Coleman Barks)

Today Is A Gift

When life itself begins to feel empty, stale and oppressive the fundamental reason is that we have lost sight of all that is good in life and zeroed in on our challenges and unfulfilled expectations. If we would learn to shift our attention, to remember and cherish all the wonderful things in life, and at the same time practice to accept the inevitable realities and seek to understand what lessons life is trying to teach us through them, we would start to live in a whole new reality.

Today as I thought of something in my life for which I felt grateful, I came to pay attention to the gift of life itself. I'm alive! Today is an amazing gift, something to be treasured and celebrated over and above everything else. As the great master Oogway put it, There is a saying: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called "the present."

How often I tend to spoil the gift of life by filling my days with fear, anxiety and frustration, when I have an equal chance to fill it with gratitude, kindness and joy. Today is a chance for me to learn to be more loving, patient, compassionate... to learn the true art of living. Today is a new beginning, bringing new opportunities. I don't have to remain a prisoner of my past! I can make new and better choices, take steps forward, make things otherwise and live a better life.

Carpe diem! Seize the day, friends, make your lives extraordinary!

In Prabhupada's Quarters

November 14, 2007 - Sri Vrindavana

It was Srila Prabhupada's disappearance day. I went over to the temple room where to my surprise they played Prabhupada singing Vibhavari-sesa over the loudspeakers.

I have noticed this very special, loving attachment Prabhupada's disciples have for him. Whenever they intimately remember him you can sense this deep longing in them to be back in his association again. It just gives me an idea of what a remarkable personality Srila Prabhupada must have been to be able to touch so many so deeply. Personally, whenever I hear Prabhupada sing I get a glimpse of his unique personality.

Later in the evening there was a special arrangement reserved for Srila Prabhupada's disciples in his personal quarters, where he had departed 30 years ago. Other devotees could in a parikrama fashion walk through the rooms and have a short darsana of Srila Prabhupada. In a somber mood I reverentially stepped into the room. The atmosphere was spiritually unparalleled! The room was copiously decorated with flowers and packed with Prabhupada's disciples and other senior devotee. Kirtana was being led by Aindra Prabhu.

I had to keep on walking and proceeded out of the room. When outside I inquired whether I could do the parikrama again. They told me I could take darsana as many times as I wanted. And so I kept walking in and out, until the exact time for Srila Prabhupada's departure arrived. The lights were dimmed and the doors to Prabhupada’s main room were shut closed. By Krishna's grace I ended up right outside the door, inside Prabhupada's quarter. I could hear one disciple inside singing the Gurvastaka and aratika was performed to Srila Prabhupada.

As I was meditating upon the meaning of the song and thinking of Srila Prabhupada I became overwhelmed with feelings. I felt appreciation for Prabhupada's precious gift, deep admiration for the person he was, terribly lost and alone in his absence. I sincerely prayed to Srila Prabhupada to empower me to help preserve and perpetuate his spiritual legacy to the world in whatever humble extend I could. All glories to Srila Prabhupada!

Aindra's Music

The glorious day I happened upon Aindra Prabhu's epochal kirtans I was totally astounded and mesmerized by their breathtaking grandeur and sheer intensity of devotion. That fateful day was a milestone in my spiritual journey and my life would never be the same. His beautiful, moving kirtans have formed the cornerstone of my spiritual life for more than a decade. Not a day goes by when I don't listen, sing and dance along to his sweet kirtans. Aindra's music never fails to fulfill my need for inspiration in my devotional life. I will treasure and honor his precious legacy till the day I die, and then carry it over to the next, to celebrate and live it in all eternity in the divine realm hereafter.

Marvelous Dreams

How marvelous

a rainbow sparkling with magic

an invitation of love

a friend waiting impatiently

carefree dance and smiles

laughter and peace around

ever new realms of joy

Vrindavana is a lovely place
beautiful and sweet
every moment a perfection
each step filled with wonder
every blink of an eye
revealing new shades of delight
where is worry and anxiety?
they have fled away
only love prevails
Krishna is calling
waiting eagerly
the time is close
we will soon be back
with the Beloved
to live a life of sweet
marvelous dreams.

Let's Dance

The sweet melody of the heart - love - the shining elusive sustenance of our soul. The heart is tender. It's a beautiful thing. It does not like boredom and stagnation. It is made for fun, love and adventure. Everyday in the spiritual world is a matchless, festive celebration. The sense of community and solidarity that pervades the spiritual world, that is what we are impatiently waiting for. The beauty of Vrindavana is what the heart is searching for. A beautiful blue sky, birds that chirp sweetly, endless variety of enchanting flowers, peace and sweetness everywhere. That is what our hearts are longing for. Love is the melody our hearts eternally dances to. Let's dance!

Prayer At Radha Kunda

November 2, 2007 - Sri Vrindavana

It was Sri Radha-kunda's auspicious appearance day. Since a year back I had been cherishing a desire to recite a very special prayer to Srimati Radharani on the banks of Her sacred lake. This prayer, called Sri Radha-kripa-kataksha-stotra ("A prayer for begging Shri Radha's merciful glance"), was originally spoken by Lord Shiva. It is said,

"By chanting this prayer at Radha-kunda one immediately pleases Shri Radha. She then awards the most cherished benediction to such a devotee. Being pleased with him the son of the King of Vraja awards him the qualification to enter into the eternal pastimes of the Lord. There is no superior achievement for a vaishnava than this."

I arrived at Radha-kunda around 3 p.m. and proceeded to recite this special prayer one hundred times while standing in the waters of the sacred kunda. It took about seven hours and was the most difficult undertaking I've ever performed, both physically, psychologically, and spiritually.

The first two hours were rather delightful and charming. There I was, a simple devotee reciting this beautiful prayer to Sri Radha, in the most sacred place in the entire existence, during the most sacred month of Kartika.

Then my back started to hurt. By 7 p.m. the sun had already set and it started to get cold. Then something that had never happened to me before occurred. I started to feel afraid. Not because I was worried about getting sick or anything. No, this fear went deeper. I felt so out of place. It felt like I was loosing myself. Later, I asked Gurudeva about it, whether he had experienced anything like that during his own spiritual practice. He responded by saying, "That happens sometimes when you're trying to surrender. But it's just stupid."

Just stupid? Somehow his short answer felt so right, so complete. That's what it was, plain stupid, the ego flipping out due to the prospect of loosing control. Otherwise what could be so bad and frightening about pure love and an eternal life of uncompromising bliss in the delightful company of the most charming personalities in the entire existence?

So I put up with the fear and carried on. But by 9 p.m. I hit my peak of exhaustion and discomfort. I had by then already used up whatever sheer will-power I had in stock. I felt I couldn't go on. I began to desperately pray to Krishna to give me the ability to complete my prayer, and by His grace I managed to complete the recitation sometime after 10 p.m., well before the pandemonium at midnight, where thousands of pilgrims poured in to take their sacred bath in the lake. Jai Sri Radhe!!

A Long Walk

Was on a long walk this evening. Managed to get quite a distance from home. On the way back the thought struck me, Even though the path back is long and I'm really tired and it's getting dark, I have no real option but to carry on till I arrive home. I can't quit. Neither can I go to any other house, because that's not my home.

I realized the same conditions apply to the ultimate journey of soul back to the spiritual realm, our place of origin, our final destination, the place we call home. I have managed to get far away, the path back is awfully long. Still, I simply have no option but to go on. I can't quit. I can't settle anywhere else. I will carry on till I'm back with the Beloved in Vrindavana, my eternal home.